The red pill or the blue one?

I take quite a few pills to deal with the pain caused by nerve damage. Pretty sure I rattle as I walk down the road. They don’t actually work so just trying to power through it nowadays. Problem is I don’t really remember when I run out of them cos kinda feel I take them for no good reason. Just feels like taking pills for the sake of taking pills.

That’d be fine except they also act as antidepressants as well. As a result think my brain chemistry is totally messed up. No point taking them for pain anymore but every time I run out them it becomes clear I need to take them for the other thing!

I’ve gone through 4 days feeling like I’m a breath of air away from crying! It’s surreal, not watching anything sad, not thinking of anything sad, not even getting down about my life. There’s just no reason for it. Have I become dependent on them? I wouldn’t recommend suddenly stopping tablets you’re prescribed I just struggle to remember when they’re gonna run out!

I look for the funny in everything, even in things I probably shouldn’t. So why does my body need a pill to balance the chemicals out? I really should have super powers or at least be psychic by now.

It’s ok if I need pills for the rest of my life. Kinda used to that idea these days but if I could get by with as few as possible then that’d be great. Until they make one pill though I’ll put up with being a human rattle. Maybe record that on my next song instead of drums!


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I was diagnosed with Relapsing/Remitting MS in 2004 when I was 20. I originally started this page document my progress using Oxygen Therapy but now the new PIP has started to replace DLA and I, like so many others, have been told i am no longer eligible to receive a Motability Car and so I am fighting against the DWP to explain exactly why they are wrong.

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