A little reflection

No oxygen therapy today so gives me a chance to think about how it’s going so far. Maybe I was just due a worse week regardless but I can definitely say I’m feeling rough week so far! Can’t blame it on the therapy as it’s only been a couple of times but so far I’m not feeling the better for it

I was told by my father I should lighten up what I write but I’m struggling to figure out how to make light of this situation. Self-deprecation does the seem the best way. My favourite example of this was my mate Tom saying he was looking forward to when I have a kid cos it would come out crutch first!! Long before family guy had Joes kid coming out chair first!

I do try my best to make light of it when I can, probably easier to deal with things that way. Humour has a grand way of masking what you’re really feeling.

So far Marta has been joining me when I go in for the oxygen but I know that it’s a matter of time when I will go in myself. I did go into it the first time singing we all live in a yellow submarine in my head.

So back I go tomorrow morning, time to get some new Simpsons episodes on the ipad! So far new season has been hilarious and takes my mind off of what I’m actually doing at the time. Off to shave away the beard now, sadly do t think I’ll look 21 with it gone but needs must.


Day 2 – How do you describe it?

Well there are good days and bad days when it comes to health. This is a pretty, but not severely, bad day. I had a good day once, I think it was a Thursday.

I’ve been pretty sore since I woke up and steadily this increased as the working day went on. My legs and arms are hollow and I feel like someone used my body as a pin cushion without a needle in sight, of which I have used many over the years, don’t worry they’ve all been perfectly legal!

The idea of sitting for an hour getting oxygen pumped in to my lungs seemed almost like a relief despite the fact that I don’t exactly do a lot of moving around as it is. My longest piece of exercise during the day is putting paper in the printer!

Today I was in with 4 other people, 3 of whom seem to still be quite physically able. The 4th person was a gentleman who was in a wheelchair/scooter. Its a small space so you can’t help but overhear others conversations. He was explaining that he had lost the use of his right hand and he was then asked what he missed most the most due to MS. His answer was running. I can’t lie this got to me, it still is even as i begin typing this. I do still try and play guitar when I can and so as bad as my right hand is now for strumming, I can’t imagine not being able to play anymore at all. I spent the majority of my childhood running about. I played football for a couple of different clubs in my teen years (I was crap but boy could I run, and throw!) and I was also in a running club as I always enjoyed going for a good sprint and trying to beat previous times. I already know these things are no longer possible for me but at least I can still walk, albeit aided by a crutch that has been necessary for nearly a decade now and I rely on it more now than ever.

I’m still having a bit of a struggle adjusting the mask to fit comfortably and make sure I am getting the most oxygen into my blood stream. this sadly means removing the beard I have allowed to do whatever it wants, so the mask will fit better on my face. One of smallest sacrifices I have had to make over these 10 years but still sad that its another thing MS has taken away from me in one way or another. Still can’t say I feel any different. Again I would be surprised if I did after only two sessions. I have walked out of it very sore and very fatigued, although I already was before I went in so its hard to gauge any kind of progress so far

If you made it to the end of this moan well done, you can pat yourself on the back. I’m heading to the fridge for a can. Need to keep exercising to keep the muscle up so if I must raise the can, then i shall. Day off from oxygen therapy tomorrow but depending on how my day goes I may post anyway


Day 1 – A breath of fresh air?

Well after a 5:30am wake up call from our cat charlie, I still ended up running out the door to go to my first Oxygen Therapy session this morning. I sat outside looking at where i would spend around an hour and was shown the mask I would be wearing and how everything gets hooked up.

Wasn’t sitting for too long before the 1st person I would be sitting with arrived and thankfully for the strange way in which my mind reacts to MS sufferers, he appeared to have good use of his legs as he went by. I don’t know why I have this fear of being with other MS sufferers just like people cannot explain a fear of spiders or of heights.The other two people to join me were not so steady on their feet and straight away I could feel my mind working overtime on this. Its worth mentioning at this point however, the Oxygen therapy tank is offered to sufferers of a range of illnesses but this doesn’t seem to matter to me in my head. I tried to just blank out that I had seen them struggling but I was quite unsuccessful with this.

I was extremely lucky that my long suffering partner Marta had joined me to keep me company and once it was time to put the mask on, I quickly put on headphones and we watched some Simpsons episodes to take me mind off it all. Very bizarre as they alter the pressure inside the tank and my ears needed to be popped more times than is needed when a plane takes off or lands.The sound of rushing air couldn’t be ignored either, each time i breathed in or out and I could feel myself becoming self conscious of my breath intake. Was i breathing too fast? Was i breathing too slowly? Its ok, I already know there is something wrong with my head, I promise I am trying to work on it.

I can’t say i feel any different after being there today, the aches, pains and tiredness are all still here if not slightly moreso no doubt thanks to my cat alarm clock. But I wouldn’t expect to feel different after one session, that would be one hell of a miracle product if it did that! So I am keeping an open mind, or at least trying to, and back I go tomorrow night to see if the nerves I had this morning are less and don’t cause my stomach to flip quite so many times. I still refuse to think that I will always need to do this now but I can’t see any harm in giving it a shot. Tomorrow is a whole new day!

My new “Adventure”

For those that know me well, it will come as no surprise that I keep myself to myself and tend to stay away from MS related things and those who suffer with MS. However, tomorrow i begin something I am dreading hugely but I am now at a point where it has to be done. My health has deteriorated quite rapidly over the last 2-3 years and I have tried to just power through it and shrug it off but I can no longer keep that up and so after already trying some acupuncture, and a very small amount of physiotherapy, I am beginning oxygen therapy at the MS centre in Leith tomorrow morning. The idea of being in a room with those who are much further into this illness scares the living daylights out of me as I have no inclination to see what i perceive as a glimpse into my future and so I thought it might help me to keep a record of how i progress with this so I can see if it helps me in any way. I also thought talking (writing) about it publicly might help me to deal with my MS in an open manner instead of hiding it away as I have done for nearly a decade. Its a fairly huge commitment to start off with 5 sessions a week for the first 3 weeks so its pretty heavy going and trying to juggle work and money around this should certainly be interesting. No doubt I will write and bore myself before i bore you but I invite you to follow my progress and you never know we might have a few laughs along the way.